Relationships and good communication are important at any age. They’re nourishing food for the soul and make life better for everyone. In later years, when life and activity are shrinking, having a robust set of relationships is more important than ever. Other arenas may have provided stimulation in the past, but they are largely gone. Seniors no longer work. They may not engage in the variety of activities they once did when they were younger.
However, we seniors need to be aware of certain communication styles that impede effective communication and can be more frustrating than life-enhancing. Here are a few.
Low-Talkers/Mumblers
As the name implies, these people are very hard to understand. They speak softly and often mumble. Listening for a long time is exhausting. Despite frequent requests from listeners, one way or another, to speak up, they tend to fall back into their habitual way of being. This is particularly frustrating, since many seniors wear hearing aids or should. It results in spotty communication at best, and it’s frustrating for all listeners.
Storytellers
These folks relate by telling stories. As a word of caution, don’t try to interrupt or change the narrative. You won’t be successful.
I once was at a table in a dining room at a ski hotel when a man I didn’t know proceeded to tell the group at the table a forty-minute story about his heart condition. Even though people were getting up and leaving, he continued on, unfazed by the signals he was getting. I finally left. It was difficult to understand how anyone could do this, but he did.
Storytellers have a hard time stopping, and they assume that others will revel in the stories they tell.
People Of The Self
People of the Self live in a Me-world. They like to talk exclusively about themselves. Though they often feign interest in others, they’re mainly interested in themselves. Some of the more clever Self-people will ask a question or two of those around them, but they’ll use the answers to springboard back to their own life stories. People of the Self can be interesting and charming, but after a while, they become tedious. Whatever they say pales in comparison to the frustration of being in an audience without having chosen to buy a ticket.
Those Were The Days
These people live in the past. They often blend with people of the Self, and they enjoy telling stories of past times. Some of these stories are interesting and fun, but over time, they prevent spontaneous dialogue today from involving people in the conversation.
Aches And Pains
Most seniors have some kind of physical problem. It’s common ground, so it’s very easy for people to get together and talk about their aches and pains. However, true aches and pains people can become fixated and carry on for hours. Though we’re all interested in how people are doing and we have empathy for those suffering in one way or another, too much focus on aches and pains becomes a downer and drains the life force from the best of us.
Nourishing conversation involves give-and-take dialogue that spontaneously develops and is engaging. It may contain elements of the above categories, but basically, it’s a non-selfish, interested conversation that is stimulating and energetic. One leaves feeling replenished and refreshed, not depleted.