September 2025

Coping with Uncertainty…

The Pull of Authoritarianism…

Authoritarian governments are gaining strength worldwide. Why do people permit one person or a group to dictate their future? History has demonstrated that such leadership rarely leads to positive results.

Many people admire a leader they can idolize and see as powerful. They feel secure under the guidance of a paternal figure. They believe their leader is all-knowing and will protect them and their country. They worry little and prioritize loyalty to their brand. They sacrifice independence for perceived safety and stress relief.

Many people struggle to acknowledge flaws in the leader they’ve chosen. They want him to be larger than life. Many authoritarian leaders understand this and exploit it by spreading paranoia. They blame others for their failures instead of taking ownership. Even when the Bay of Pigs failed, Kennedy said, “I take full responsibility.” An authoritarian leader wouldn’t do that; instead, he would blame someone else for the failure.

Hitler’s goose-stepping troops, dressed in their well-fitted uniforms, conveyed a sense of strength, order, and control. His followers absorbed the power the troops projected. Catchy music over loudspeakers helped energize his supporters and created a patriotic high. Like fans cheering for the home team, these patriots were ready to give their man their full support.

Governments that rely on propaganda become skilled at knowing what to say to whom. They seduce and persuade those seeking influential figures to take control and act as their guides in life. Their leaders are adept at maneuvering them to fight against enemies, real or imagined.

A Daily Choice

I am alive
I did not earn it
It was a gift
I did not deserve it.
I am alive
DNA shaking hands
With DNA
Across the centuries
The result? You and me
We could not foresee it.
Can you believe it?
We are alive and
Now I can choose it,
To live it or lose it.
That is, to survive
Or contrive a way to end it
By withdrawing from the life within me
Slowly, passively vegetating,
Or quickly, without hesitating.
But wait, what would I miss:
A friendly hug, a sumptuous kiss,
A falling leaf and your kind, “Hello!”
The taste of chocolate
Melted into marshmallow?
No, I think I will stay awhile
To enjoy some “mores,”
Like your smile,
The blessings in Life’s store
I think I will stay another day
After all
I am alive.

©Dick Millspaugh, November 4, 2024

Dick Millspaugh is a retired Board Certified Hospital Chaplain ordained by the United Methodist Church. He was previously Chief of Chaplains at the VA San Diego Healthcare System. Dick and his wife currently reside in Scripps Ranch. He enjoys writing poetry, woodworking, ceramics, and playing Bocce Ball.

Wrinkles of Laughter:

Humor Use in Therapy for a Happier and Healthier Life

The world is an uncertain and tumultuous place. History teaches us that chaos is a part of human life and that coping with that chaos results in better life outcomes. Victor Frankl (1946) discussed humor’s use in building resilience and giving rise to positive emotions when discussing his experience in concentration camps, noting that joking about their hardships helped build hope and morale. Many authors viewed humor as a form of tension relief (Bergson, 1911; Dewey, 1894; Freud, 1905, 1928; Gregory, 1924; Morreall, 1987). As we age, we might feel that our lives are becoming more chaotic and stressful because we are closer to facing mortality directly. Humor can make the dark times and light times brighter. Humor and laughter have shown benefits for mental health, chronic pain (including for older adults), chronic stress, caregiving, in social situations, and in building rapport with clients (Cadiz et al., 2024; Goodwin et al., 2024; Hayashi et al., 2015; Hirsch et al., 2010; Isen, 2003; Ko and Youn, 2011; Lyubomirsky et al., 2005; Messa & Baum, 2020; Moon et al., 2024; Nezlek & Derks, 2001; Osincup, 2020; Stiwi & Rosendahl, 2022; Tse et al., 2010).

Laughter develops in humans at around four months old; it is one of our first communication tools (Fogel et al., 1997). Humor can change as we age. Our different capacities, experiences, and knowledge can create different understandings of humor and different ways to express it. Spontaneous laughter and humor therapy can reduce pain and build tolerance to pain (Messa & Baum, 2020; Moon et al., 2024; Tse et al., 2010). Humor reduces epinephrine and cortisol levels, which contribute to a higher risk of heart disease, cancer, cognitive decline, and dementias (Hayashi et al., 2016; Kramer & Leitao, 2023; Oliveira & Arriaga, 2022; Samant et al., 2020). Several large studies and reviews showed significant benefits to mental and physical health in all ages of adults following interventions that involved humor and laughter, including improvements to insomnia, depression, anxiety, and cardiopulmonary outcomes (Hayashi et al., 2015; Hirsch et al., 2010; Ko and Youn, 2011; Messa & Baum, 2020; Stiwi & Rosendahl, 2022).

The Absolute Best Hot Dogs

A few years ago Dave DiCicco turned me on to the absolute best hot dogs. Having grown up in the East, he knew about Zweigle’s white hots and I did not! Besides being delicious, they have the added benefit of having NO nitrites! You should order the dogs direct from Zweigle’s. They include a high shipping cost but you will not do better in getting them from anywhere else including Amazon (that just includes the shipping cost in the total base price). Jim and I are now converts and I am sharing with you our own customized version of what I learned from Dave!

Zweigle’s White Hot Dogs (defrosted)
White Onion
Brioche Hot Dog Buns
Stonewall Kitchen Farmhouse Red Relish
Mustard
Butter/Oil

Prepare caramelized white onions in a frying pan as you like to do. Set aside. If you do not know how to caramelize white onions see multiple videos on You Tube on the subject. There is a trick to this – water.

Remove caramelized onions from the pan and brown the face of the hot dog buns in the remaining onion bits combined with a little butter. Set aside.

Cut the Zweigle hot dogs lengthwise. Add more butter (or oil) to the pan and sauté the half dogs until browned on both sides.

Spread the relish and mustard on the hot dog buns. Add some of the caramelized onions and then top with a half hot dog (a whole dog makes it a little too full and hard to manage).

Eat!!! We guarantee you hot dog heaven!!

Later-Life Transitions:

Becoming Caregiver to a Family Member

In 2023/2024, the SDPA Aging Issues Committee produced six ninety minute Zoom presentations entitled Later-Life Transitions Luncheon Series. Topics covered in this series included Retirement, Loss of Physical Capabilities, Moving to a Senior Facility, Becoming Caregiver to a Family Member, Loss of a Spouse/Partner and The Final Transition. We are presenting a summary of the material covered in each of the six series presentations in installments .

The fourth topic Becoming Caregiver to a Family Member was facilitated by Kenneth S. Dellefield, Ph.D. and Marjorie Coburn, Ph.D. on February 16, 2024. Below are some of the key points made during the presentation.

BECOMING CAREGIVER TO A FAMILY MEMBER

A majority of older adults are called upon at some point to provide care to their family members, most commonly to elderly parents or to spouses/partners who are declined in health or physical capability. This is particularly true today with costs of outside care skyrocketing. This article focuses on the challenges of providing care to spouses/partners particularly.

Most older adults prefer to have their spouses be their caregivers given the relational foundations and the expectation of reciprocity and there can be many benefits to providing care. Helping a spouse/partner can improve the mental health of the caregiver and can deepen the relationship. Time spent with the spouse/partner may increase opportunities for intimate communication and reflection on a shared life together. There may be a sense of purpose and gratification in helping and being needed. Caregiver duties can increase self-worth and compensate for losses in other lifetime roles/occupations. There is evidence that providing care for more than 14 hours per week may predict greater longevity for the caregiver and can relieve stress. These benefits accrue, however, only if caregiver burdens fall within reasonable limits.

Help!

Help, help. Getting help. Americans, especially men, but also women, often struggle to ask for help. After all, we’re raised to be self-reliant and independent. Like John Wayne, we believe we should stand alone.

In my youthful arrogance, I tried to go it alone. My golf ball didn’t go straight, and I had more potential in many areas than I realized. As I got older, I stopped resisting “lessons’ when I realized I didn’t know much. Over time, I took whitewater kayak lessons, golf lessons, photography lessons, writing lessons, and mountain climbing lessons. A switch flipped, and I became a student on a mission.

It is crucial to be able to ask for help later in life. If a spouse develops dementia, assistance is needed for both the patient and the caregiver. Many caregivers believe they should be able to manage a spouse in decline, but often they cannot. Caregiver burnout is a common issue when someone tries to handle an Alzheimer’s husband or wife alone.

Arranging for in-home or outside care and activities can be supportive for everyone. Some spouses might need therapeutic help to cope with feelings of abandonment and guilt over finding some enjoyment for themselves while their partner declines.

Parma Cucina Italiana

Parma Cucina Italiana in Hillcrest is a lively, fun restaurant with tasty food. When I was there, all the serving staff were from Italy. They loved bantering with customers, and we enjoyed talking with them.

The modest setting reminded me of restaurants in small towns in Italy where I had eaten. I had chicken parmesan with pasta on the side. It was a delicious meal, and I noted how tasty was the marinara sauce. Spaghetti sauce is a telltale sign of a worthy Italian restaurant. We ordered and shared a homemade tart for dessert that was beyond good!

The restaurant is open for lunch on weekends, which makes parking in Hillcrest a little easier.

International Travel Strategies

International travel can be daunting. Here are some suggestions.

Think about joining a group that offers programs matching your interests. For instance, Mountain Travel Sobek organizes hiking trips around the world. Road Scholar offers trips centered on visiting museums and historical sites. Traveling with a group has many benefits. The group takes care of your flights, picks you up at the airport, plans your daily activities, provides companionship, and manages any issues that come up.
Get a Global Entry Card. Apply online and pay a fee. The card allows you to skip long lines when returning to the United States from abroad. It also automatically assigns you to the pre-check category, which speeds up security checks at domestic airports.
Get travel insurance because you can’t predict what will happen. You might get sick or break a bone. I have had many friends whose trips were impacted by health emergencies. I once took an unexpected helicopter ride from Aspen to a hospital in Denver after a ski accident. The bill for that ride was $54,000. My health insurance covered it, but I also had travel insurance. In Nepal, a couple of people on our trip had to leave due to health issues.
Think about different ways of doing laundry while traveling. It may cost more, but who wants to spend their vacation in a laundromat or washing clothes in a sink?
Consider hiring a driver when traveling in a foreign country where travel is complicated. The expense may be worth it.
Airbnbs are popular, but hotels offer concierge services that can be extremely helpful. Negotiating a flight change can be difficult when the agent on the phone speaks limited English. Our concierge at the Hotel Flora in Venice spent an hour on the phone helping us rebook travel to London after our carrier canceled our flight.
Be flexible and ready to change plans when needed. Travel can be tiring and stressful, and sometimes sticking to a strict schedule isn’t worth it. Once in Sorrento, we were exhausted after many days in Italy. We were supposed to drive to Calabria, but I had enough of traffic and winding roads. So, we booked a hotel in Rome, canceled our reservation in Calabria, and spent several relaxing days in Rome. We lost some money, but it was worth it.
Keep in mind, you are not in America. Amanda Knox didn’t initially understand that the police and courts operated differently in Italy. She acted as if she were at her home in Seattle, and it hurt her case. We once rented a car that broke down on a mountain road. Calls to the car rental company were useless because they had closed for the weekend. We abandoned the car and, with help from locals, arranged a costly cab ride to our destination.
Remember, you can’t see everything in just a week. People trying to see it all are usually tired and cranky at the end of their trip. Enjoy the experience and focus more on being than on seeing.

Netflix: Sunday Best

Back in the 50s and 60s, like most families in our neighborhood, we watched Ed Sullivan’s show, Toast of the Town, from 8 to 9 PM on Sunday nights. Little did I realize at the time that Ed was bravely breaking color barriers with every show.

Born into a modest background in New York City to fair, reliable, and compassionate parents, Ed Sullivan began his career as a sportswriter. He was outraged when a northern college refused to let a Black player participate due to the University of Georgia’s objections before an upcoming game. Sullivan became a passionate advocate for civil rights before it became fashionable.

At some point in his career, his boss at The New York Daily News moved him from the sports desk to covering Broadway. Although he was initially unfamiliar with theater, Sullivan was a quick learner and quickly developed a keen eye that helped him evaluate shows and talent.

Television was still in its early days when CBS hired Ed Sullivan to host a variety show on Sunday nights. Little did he know that he would change the face of the industry by featuring a steady stream of Black artists, who the industry had previously shunned before his show. Artists like Harry Belafonte, Stevie Wonder, and Dionne Warwick showcased their talents and became nationwide stars.

Ed Sullivan faced a tough challenge in putting his beliefs into action, and he was a heroic figure, though an unsung one, in the fight for civil rights in the United States. The excellent documentary, Sunday Best: The Untold Story of Ed Sullivan is currently available on Netflix.